Everyone loves a get-together but party politics in 2016 has taken on a new and sometimes baffling dimension. As Evening Standard writer Susannah Butter explains, there’s inevitably the “same cast of characters at every bash,” be it a summer Garden Party, a Birthday Party or a general Mingle. Best you know how to navigate the party tribes. Here’s how to spot them, according to Butter...
The drinkers in denial: “I’m not going to drink much,” they say, holding a single gin in a tin. Then they clock your prosecco and say it would be rude not to have a glass or four. When the bottle’s finished you suggest a corner-shop run and the whole charade starts again.”
The smupple: “They look friendly but the smug couple are so busy making love eyes at each other that they are unable to talk to the new people around them. You might have seen them on Facebook, captioned avocado toast with #theboy. If they manage to make conversation it will be peppered with in-jokes and supportive statements. Try not to be too smug yourself when you see them at the next party, crying to Hello by Adele.”
The Instagrammer: “Guys, look like you’re having fun,” orders the Instagrammer, interrupting conversations in the name of official chronicling of #thattime. This social media star is desperate to show the world how much they are #lovinglife with #thisone, so much so that they end up missing out on said life, says Butter. Pose for a few of their shots and tell them that they look so on fleek it’s best if they stick to selfies, like a few from account and leave them to it so you can get on with real fun.
The craft-beer bore: “Likely to arrive late because they have come via the microbrewery. While everyone else makes do with four packs of Red Stripe, they have committed to a growler of craft ale and are happy to talk hops all night. Just don’t ask to try any – locally made saison doesn’t come cheap.”
The Tinderer: “What’s your wifi password?” is their opening gambit, and “where can I charge my phone?” swiftly follows. They are physically present but their mind is on finding a Tinder match. The GPS element of Tinder means they are likely to meet your neighbours before you do.”
The DJ: “You’ve made a playlist but this part-time DJ, full-time legend, knows better. Thank goodness they are here to break the original news that people like dancing to Fleetwood Mac. The best revenge is to get them so drunk on compliments about their taste – do they have a show on 6 Music? – that they forget to log out of their Spotify Premium account and you can continue using it for free.”